We were all so, so overjoyed to hear about a Final Fantasy VII remake finally being confirmed. However, some wind was taken out my proverbial sail when articles started popping up confirming that they will be ‘adding’ to the story.
I’m sure that, at this point, I am far from the only person thinking about what things I do not want Square Enix to change, and some things that might be nice to see, given how video gaming as evolved. So, after some awesome discussion with my friends, I decided to make my own wishlist for the FFVII remake.
Some of this I am sure you will scream to the heavens in agreement with. I am sure you will threaten me with bodily harm at some others. Regardless, here is my wishlist! Please keep in mind that I may add or alter this list in the future.
Please, Square Enix, DO NOT RUIN:
- The Materia System. I know you will be tempted to want to enhance this, but please don’t go throwing my materia into a sphere grid or some shit. Equipping it to my stuff and leveling it up is just fine, thank you.
- The Battle System. ATB was fun as hell for me. At least keep it turn-based, please!
- The Don Corneo Fiasco. I know that SJWs are going to come around and rage at themes from a game made in 1997, but please do not bow to that pressure. Things like Cloud cross-dressing and lining up for Don Corneo as a potential bedmate after escaping a hot tub full of mostly naked, burly men is the kind of magical thing that makes FFVII so great. Let’s leave it that way, please?
- The Gold Saucer. Please do not fill it with in-game purchases, DLC unlocks, or any crap like that. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
- Snowboarding. Snowboarding for days. Don’t fuck it up.
- Barrett and Cid’s Cursing. If you’re going to censor them again, find a creative way to do it, please. I will be heart broken if ‘DRINK YOUR %&#%@ TEA!’ does not come out of Cid’s mouth.
- Aeris’ Death. You will, I’m sure, be tempted to give us a way to bring her back to life. Don’t. You’ll cheapen her death, and have to change the ending to boot, and that is a slippery slope to a world of pain. Just ask Bioware about Mass Effect 3.
- The Turks. I love them. Do not break my heart, Square Enix. Do. Not. Do. It.
Hey, Square Enix, It Might Be Cool To See:
- A Not-Shitty Version of the Motorcycle Mini-Game. I’m going to get a lot of flack for this, but that mini-game sucked. Hard. It’d be cool to see it not suck.
- Less Confusing Chocobo Breeding. I remember this being a pain in the ass. What are the best Greens and Nuts to feed these guys? What combination of what Chocobos make what colors again? If we could have an in-game way to get this information, that’d be awesome, thanks.
- A Better Translation of the Script. However, it’d be kinda cool to keep some of the more famous errors in there. ‘This guy are sick’ is just iconic at this point.
- A Well-Paced Version of the Fort Condor Mini-Game. I found this game painfully slow, boring, and tedious. If you could find a way to make it engaging and pace it nicely, it might be a cool addition!
- Uematsu Return to Remaster the Soundtrack. The music is perfection. Why not get the master to make it even more perfect?
- Better Achievements. People love their ‘chieves, but the ones for the Steam version were terrible. Some more creative ones that we would actually have to work at would be sweet!
In the end, however, let us keep in mind that this is a remake, not a remaster. Things are going to be changed, and we should be open to it and welcome it. There is no way anything Square Enix creates is going to replicate the feelings we all had playing FFVII when it first came out, so expecting it to do so is simply pointless. As long as it is a solid game that stays true to the spirit of the original, I will be absolutely thrilled.
Please feel free to share your wishes and/or other thoughts for the Final Fantasy VII remake in the comments!